I think I've been making a mistake here.
I was out for a run this morning (freezing my rear off, let me tell you...those first 40 degree days are brutal!) and on the way back I started thinking about potential blog topics for the next few days. I came up with a couple of things and penciled them in to write later in the day...when I realized how 100% unmotivated I was to actually write them. Because they were boring. Truly boring. I felt like I was gearing up to write about the grass growing. "And then, another blade inched toward the sky. And then, another one stayed green. Beside it, that one, too, stayed green." Oh my word...stick a fork in me. Nothing kills writing faster than lack of emotion behind it.
Truth be told, I've felt that way about this blog for awhile. I love (LOVE!) the idea behind it, but I'm struggling with the content. I thought back to when I used to love blogging - and not only love it, but be happy with what I wrote - and it was all the way back a few blogs ago. It took two seconds to realize what was different about those blogs and these: the old ones were straight out of my daily life, at the heart of whatever inspired me so much that I just had to blog about it - not because I literally had to blog about it. The constraints I've put on my own writing, making myself adhere to certain topics and categories, have killed blogging for me more than I wanted to admit. That is, until I went back and read some old posts...and was actually interested in what I was reading for the first time in FOREVER. Wow.
The worst part? These constraints are totally self-imposed!
I thought it would be good to have a theme and posts that were organized within that theme. It's a model that works really well for some people, and most advice about good blogging practices starts with finding a specific niche and then sticking to it. But thanks to my running epiphany, I've discovered that it's a model that doesn't work for me. At all. I've been wondering why I feel so stuck, and it's because I've made myself stick to a pattern that completely agrees with my style of thinking (ducks in a row) but completely disagrees with my style of writing (ducks askew).
When I was thinking about all of this I kept coming back to the same thought: "You're missing the real story." And it's true. My life is so weird right now. It really is. But I haven't really written about it at all - here or anywhere. Instead, I've been coloring inside the lines of a picture that isn't relevant to who I am. And that makes me sad, because writing about life not only matters to me, it just makes sense to me. And maybe the reason why life hasn't made sense in awhile is partially because I haven't taken the time to write about it.
So, long story long, I'm bringing this blog back to it's roots: a tried-and-true daily life blog. I still have the same goals - creating a beautiful home, staying committed to being the best version of myself - but good grief, homegirl needs to bust out of this jail cell and freestyle a little. Posts will be unscheduled, topics will be scattered, and titles will be relevant to their subject matter, not subjected to categorization.
Because life isn't categorizable, and I miss sharing the disorganized parts with you all.
I feel better already.